Bright colored lights, strung joyously, shine and cast their glow into the calm of the star-filled night as a chill wind nips your nose and mine, the expression of this budding winter's coming frozen bite. This street I've often walked before whose neighbors never miss a chance to share the season's cheer has dressed itself in strands of Santa's festival decor and calls to every one of us, "Happy Holidays and New Year".
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New friend. New company. Never met before. Not really. But now you're right there. Cuz I need someone to be. Panic hits. And you say "come walk with me". Check in often. "How's it going today?" Each "good morning" helps my fear melt away.
A bag of persimmons and crisp pickle drink. A text message and then a knock on the door. It's nice to have met you, if just for a blink. It's sad to leave here and not be neighbors more.
With shining nails and a long winter coat, just like in that song, this homemade soup you brought today has really helped me get along. Are you touring the facility of my anxiety? Are you picking up the slack in my need for society? I don't know about prosperity, but I think for sure you've brought treasured variety.
Though once my house is done and sold, I wonder, will my stress be solved? In just a month, as plans unfold, will our new friendship be dissolved?
I hope not. But also sometimes that happens. But also I hope not.
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Little man, the bat cat, sitting on a flat mat. With your vacant stare. Head is filled with air.
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"I used to love your wife," it says. Why my wife, not your own? Why "used to love" in the past tense? What made you leave alone? And just my wife, or everyone's? How many are the "you"s? Or is it meant in reflection? Like, is that "you" you too?
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My childhood sometimes feels lost, hidden behind windowless walls but the right signals can defrost that frozen time when I was small. Old friend of mine (maybe he's still?) from childhood writes poetry. He doesn't rhyme his lines. By will, he pours his heart out differently.
He writes of longing, sadness, blackness, things I've never known about. I only know of our shared moments, most with pleasure, one without. I carry one stain, heavy-stomached, hoping he's forgotten it, praying that his mind's eye looks right past a child's angry fit. But all the rest, though I've forgotten most of them, I feel were joys, with sunlight streaming down upon two young super-heroic boys.
The words that wake me are the ones that take me back a thousand years, when video games had no saves and TV sets had rabbit ears. Sometimes he writes of childhood, his childhood, not mine, and there a glimpse of old cartoons makes knots of memory unwind.
I have this memory, the barest memory, of sitting on the floor. We're facing a Nintendo screen, our backs turned toward your bedroom door. The game I came to see, remembered hazily, I know was called Pro Wrestling because I've looked it up. With Star Man, Panther, Kin Corn Karn, King Slender, Puma, Amazon, and Fighter Hayabusa too, all in a square ring colored blue, at character selection you would take Star Man, then savagely backflip the stuffing out of me until the pixel referee would pound the mat and count to three and say my guy had had enough.
And though my memory's a stew and barely holds, like wet tissue, and I don't know what things are true or if I really was with you, there's also distinct residue (but in a good way, for the rhyme) of both your mom and bro Rabu, just blurs, erased by passing time.
And somewhere else inside my brain's a fuzzy flash of drinking milk and marveling at its new flavor, never having had its ilk. It's like my inner wrestler had never tasted regular.
(We drank Lactaid. I don't know why that was the milk my mom would buy.)
I wonder if the novelty is why I keep this memory. But I think that drink converted me. Lactaid now tastes too sugary.
These poems are Avi's diary. You can email him at avi@invariablyhappy.com